normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
