you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
