If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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