I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
