Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
