Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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