come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
