made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
