At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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