In the future we'll all be gay
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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