I think I am morally bankrupt
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
