Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
