i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
