Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
