when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
