i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
