i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
