Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize