maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
