Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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