I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
