I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
