you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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