from now on my penis is your penis
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
