Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
