Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
