literally had 100 drinks last night.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
