I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
