I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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