and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
