sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
