My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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