you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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