I wish my penis had an off switch
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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