I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
