i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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