I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
