My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
