Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Welp...herpes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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