I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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