There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
