you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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