I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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