You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
