whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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