I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
