my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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