I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
