haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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