try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
