We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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