i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
