but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
