How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
