Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
