the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she looked like the before picture.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
