He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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