Im at strip club and am horny
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
