You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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