cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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