They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
