i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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