Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
