ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
