the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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