You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
