After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
