We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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