Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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