god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
