Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
