you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
