if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
