hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
